How To Write the Susan Berry Reitelbach Scholarship Essay

Before drafting, write a one-sentence answer to this question: What should a committee member remember about me after reading this essay? Keep that sentence practical, not inflated. A strong answer might focus on steadiness, initiative, service, academic purpose, resilience, or follow-through. That sentence becomes your filter: if a paragraph does not strengthen that impression, cut or reshape it.

If the application prompt is broad, do not treat that as permission to be vague. Broad prompts reward applicants who create their own focus. Choose one central through-line, such as a challenge that clarified your goals, a responsibility that shaped your maturity, or a project that revealed the next step in your education. Then build the essay around that line of development.

Your job is not to list everything you have ever done. Your job is to help the reader see a person in motion: shaped by real circumstances, tested by real demands, and making a thoughtful case for why this scholarship matters now.

Brainstorm Across Four Material Buckets

Strong scholarship essays usually draw from four kinds of material. Gather examples under each one before you outline. This prevents the common problem of writing an essay that is all hardship, all résumé, or all future plans with no evidence.

1. Background: what shaped you

List the environments, responsibilities, and turning points that influenced your education. Think concretely: family obligations, school context, work, commuting, financial pressure, caregiving, community involvement, relocation, language barriers, health challenges, or a teacher or mentor who changed your direction.

Do not merely report difficulty. Ask: What did this circumstance teach me to do? Perhaps it taught you to manage time, advocate for yourself, persist through uncertainty, or notice unmet needs around you. That reflection is what turns biography into meaning.

2. Achievements: what you have actually done

Now list moments where you took responsibility and produced a result. Include academics, work, family care, clubs, athletics, volunteering, faith communities, creative work, or informal leadership. Use accountable detail wherever honest:

• What was the situation?
• What role did you personally hold?
• What action did you take?
• What changed because of your effort?

Numbers help when they are real: hours worked per week, funds raised, students mentored, grades improved, events organized, or time saved. If you do not have numbers, use other specifics: frequency, scope, duration, and responsibility level.

3. The gap: why you need support now

This is where many essays become generic. Do not say only that college is expensive or that education matters. Explain the specific obstacle between your current position and your next step. That gap may be financial, logistical, academic, or professional. It may involve balancing work and study, paying for required materials, reducing hours at a job to focus on coursework, or gaining training that your current environment cannot provide.

The key is precision. Show why this scholarship would not simply be helpful in the abstract, but meaningful at this stage of your path.

4. Personality: what makes the essay human

Committees remember people, not bullet points. Add details that reveal how you move through the world: a habit, a moment of humor, a standard you hold yourself to, a way others rely on you, or a small scene that captures your character. Personality does not mean performance. It means texture.

A useful test: if someone removed your name from the essay, would a reader still sense an individual person rather than a generic “hardworking student”? If not, add more lived detail.

Choose an Opening That Earns Attention

Do not open with a thesis statement about your goals. Do not begin with broad claims about education, success, or dreams. Instead, start inside a moment that reveals pressure, responsibility, or change.

Good openings often do one of three things:

• Begin in scene: a shift at work, a classroom moment, a family responsibility, a commute, a conversation, or a decision point.
• Begin with a concrete contrast: who you were before a challenge and what changed after it.
• Begin with a precise responsibility: the task you had to carry, the problem you had to solve, or the person who depended on you.

For example, instead of announcing that you value perseverance, show yourself doing something that required it. Let the reader infer the trait from the evidence. Then, within the first paragraph, connect that moment to the larger direction of your education.

As you draft the opening, ask two questions: Why this moment? and Why now? If the scene does not lead naturally into your educational purpose and need for support, choose a different one.

Build a Clear Essay Structure

Once you have your material, shape it into a sequence that feels inevitable. A practical structure for many scholarship essays looks like this:

1. Opening moment: a concrete scene or responsibility that introduces your central quality or turning point.
2. Context: the background the reader needs in order to understand the stakes.
3. Action and achievement: what you did in response to the challenge or opportunity.
4. Insight: what changed in your thinking, priorities, or goals.
5. Need and next step: why further education matters now and how scholarship support would help you continue.
6. Closing: a forward-looking ending that returns to the essay’s core idea without repeating the introduction word for word.

Keep one main idea per paragraph. If a paragraph tries to cover family history, academic goals, financial need, and community service all at once, split it. Readers trust essays that move in clean steps.

Use transitions that show logic, not just sequence. “Because of that responsibility...” is stronger than “Also.” “That experience clarified...” is stronger than “Another reason.” Each paragraph should answer the silent question the reader is likely asking next.

When describing an accomplishment, make sure the paragraph includes all four essential parts: the situation, your task, the action you took, and the result. Many applicants stop at the challenge and never show what they actually did. The committee cannot reward initiative it cannot see.

Draft With Specificity, Reflection, and Control

As you write, aim for sentences with visible actors and verbs. “I organized,” “I cared for,” “I improved,” “I learned,” “I decided,” “I built,” “I asked,” “I persisted.” This creates authority. It also prevents the foggy style that makes essays sound interchangeable.

Reflection matters just as much as detail. After every major example, answer the implicit question: So what? What did that experience teach you? How did it sharpen your goals? Why does it matter for the education you are pursuing now? Without reflection, the essay becomes a résumé in paragraph form.

Use this drafting checklist as you go:

• Have I named a specific moment rather than speaking only in generalities?
• Have I shown what I did, not just what happened around me?
• Have I included at least a few concrete details such as time, scale, frequency, or measurable outcome?
• Have I explained why the experience matters to my next educational step?
• Have I made clear why scholarship support would matter now?

Keep your tone grounded. You do not need to sound flawless. In fact, essays become more persuasive when they show honest limits: what you did not know at first, what stretched you, what you still hope to learn. Confidence comes from precision, not self-congratulation.

Revise for Reader Impact

Revision is where a decent draft becomes convincing. Read the essay once for structure, once for evidence, and once for style.

Revise the structure

Underline the main point of each paragraph. If two paragraphs do the same job, combine them. If a paragraph has no clear job, cut it. The essay should move from lived experience to demonstrated action to future direction without wandering.

Revise the evidence

Circle every vague claim: “hardworking,” “dedicated,” “passionate,” “committed,” “leader.” Then ask whether the essay proves each word. If not, replace the label with an example. Evidence is always stronger than self-description.

Revise the reflection

After each story or achievement, make sure you interpret it. The committee should not have to guess why an event matters. Add one or two sentences that explain the shift in your understanding, priorities, or plans.

Revise the style

Cut filler openings and generic declarations. Replace passive constructions with active ones when possible. Shorten long sentences that stack abstract nouns. If a sentence could apply to thousands of applicants, make it more specific until it belongs to you.

A strong final paragraph should not simply restate that you deserve support. It should leave the reader with a clear sense of direction: what you are building toward, what kind of responsibility you are prepared to carry, and why this scholarship would help you continue that work.

Mistakes To Avoid Before You Submit

• Starting with a cliché. Avoid lines such as “From a young age” or “I have always been passionate about.” They waste valuable space and flatten your voice.
• Listing achievements without context. A résumé already does that. The essay should explain significance, not just inventory.
• Describing hardship without agency. Difficulty matters, but the committee also needs to see your response to it.
• Making financial need too generic. Explain the real pressure point and how support would help you move through it.
• Sounding inflated. Let the facts carry weight. Understatement with evidence is often more persuasive than grand claims.
• Forgetting the human element. Include enough detail that a reader can picture your life, not just your goals.
• Submitting without reading aloud. Reading aloud catches awkward phrasing, repetition, and places where your logic jumps too quickly.

Before submitting, ask someone you trust to answer three questions after reading: Who is this student? What have they done? Why does this scholarship matter now? If the reader cannot answer all three clearly, revise again.

Your final aim is simple: write an essay only you could write, but shape it so a busy committee member can follow it easily. Specific experience, honest reflection, and disciplined structure will do more for you than any dramatic language ever could.