How to Write Your Essay for the Toomey/Surtz Fellowship

Brainstorming Across the Four Material Buckets

To create a well-rounded essay, gather material across four key areas:

• Background: Reflect on your personal history, including significant experiences that have shaped your academic and career aspirations. Consider family influences, cultural background, and formative moments.
• Achievements: Identify key accomplishments in your academic and extracurricular life. Use metrics to quantify your impact, such as leadership roles, projects completed, or community service hours.
• The Gap: Assess what you currently lack in your education or experience that this fellowship would help address. Be specific about your goals and how further study at Loyola will bridge this gap.
• Personality: Infuse your essay with personal anecdotes that reveal your values and character. This could include challenges you've faced, lessons learned, or passions that drive you.

Structuring Your Essay

Organize your essay logically, ensuring each paragraph has a clear focus. Start with a compelling scene or moment that draws the reader in. For example, describe a pivotal experience rather than stating your intentions outright. Each paragraph should build on the previous one, leading to a cohesive narrative.

Drafting Voice and Tone

Use an active voice throughout your essay. Avoid clichés and vague expressions; instead, provide specific examples that illustrate your points. When discussing your achievements or aspirations, reflect on what these experiences taught you and why they matter. This reflection is crucial for engaging the committee.

Revision and “So What?”

After drafting, take a step back and evaluate your essay. Ask yourself, “So what?” for each major section. Does your narrative convey growth, insight, and a commitment to impact? Ensure that your revisions sharpen your message and enhance clarity. Seek feedback from trusted peers or mentors who can provide constructive criticism.

Common Pitfalls to Avoid

Be mindful of the following pitfalls as you write:

• Avoid starting with generic statements or clichés. Begin with a unique moment that captures your journey.
• Do not exaggerate or fabricate experiences. Authenticity is key to building trust with the committee.
• Steer clear of passive voice; always highlight your actions and decisions.
• Ensure your essay stays focused on the fellowship’s goals and how they align with your aspirations.